Community:Church of the Dark Star/Sermons/2016-08-20-Being Scared

Chaos
from the perspective of the Chaos Belief, presented by Amber Raine

Today i would like to thank Winfield for the subject at hand.. It has been a joy having you as part of the counsel Danellosi mellonamin, Bienvenue tout la monde, Good Morning and Blessed be friends and family. We welcome you once again to the Church of the Dark Star.

This morning we are going to discuss fears. The act of being scared and having those fears hold you back from giving yourself a truly remarkable life that you deserve. You tell yourself "But I am scared to do this" and I shall ask you why? Why are you scared to do it? What is keeping you from making the changes in your life that you feel would help make it better

So, what about these fears I keep hearing about? And trust me, your not alone. This past week for me there have been some things I have been also fearing. Then I look at it, and I ask "Why am

I believe fear gets way to much airplay. I truly believe that people don't take action, or the actions that they truly should because they have too much fear holding them back. I think the word fear is so common in our language, and the concept "I am just too scared to do it" is almost to the point where it's comedic. If we sincerely sit back and think about it, it really is kind of funny. Take a couple seconds right now and ask yourself "what am I scared of doing"

Now ask yourself, "Why am I scared of it?" In most cases you will notice your biggest fear is change. "I'm scared of doing this or that, because it is new, unknown, or might not be the right thing to do" Living in the world we do now, of the modern age. There is very few truly warranted impulsive fears that are driven by a physical reality to be safe. We're not being chased by animals that are trying to kill us often, right? Well unless your out hunting and then you need to worry about the kobolds, bandits or bears but, in general, this just is not a world any longer where that is a common. So most of the fears that we actually have are just native contemplative thoughts that we're rerunning too often and we're associating so much pain to that now it just becomes convenient. Oh its fear, as if fear is some big unknowable scary awful thing. Well mostly, it's not. Most fear is just bad management of our own mental faculties. It's not an impulsive physical thing generating in our brain telling us to fight, flight or flee. And everyone wants to use that excuse. We still have all these biological psychologists or people running around saying well it's just an impulsive thing that people can understand or can be concious of. "It's the unconcious fears. It's just wiping us out! "

Seriously? It is time to just get over it. Science has shown we have much more powerful capabilities then most of us think that we do and the reality is.. Most fear, once you understand what it actually is. And, it usually is a contemplative process. Once you understand what it is, you can overcome it. So what is it then? I mean what is fear? What are we so scared of? What's going to hurt us? What is this thing that we fear is going to bring so much pain in our lives? Ever thought about that? What is it? What is the thing that we're so scared of that is going to bring in all the pain to our lives?

I remember figuring this out for my self and when I did, I wasn't so scared anymore. Because sometimes the things once you understand them more, they are not so terrifying. When something becomes knowable you can develop competency around it. Once you can develop competency around it then you can develop confidence around it. There is this old thing in psychology we call the competence confidence loop. The more you understand something the more confidence you have in that area. Same thing with anything that does happen to impulsively generate some fear in yourself. Well now once you understand what it is, you can deal with it better.

What we are all fearing is basically three types of pain, three areas that we might experience pain in our lives and once we understand that we can reorient our mindset around those things and no longer be frustrated or stopped by fear. The first thing that we fear pain in, in our lives is what i call "loss pain". Loss pain says "Well if i change my life or I do this new thing, I will experience loss. And because I will experience loss, I don't want to do it." With loss pain you are too scared to try it because you might lose something that you like. you care for, you adore. If you go and make that big change in your life, you might lose your job, you might lose your relationship, you might lose your connection with your kids, may lose a passion, may lose a benefit.

I had a situation just here recently where big changes needed to be done in my business, some of you may have been hearing some of the ramifications of those changes. Especially if you have noticed a lot more community music played on Avatars Radio. Well I knew the change had to been made for months, I would say almost a year. But it wasn't until recent events that forced me to face the fear of making that change that it was done. Before that, everyone was generating all this fear in me by saying things like "well be careful you know things could get really messy. You could break something, it might not work the same way again. People are going to go away because they don't want to wait until you reset up what needs to be set up" Or the others that were saying "not everyone is going to like or accept this fear. You may lose people listening to the station, you may lose support, worse yet, you may lose friends over it, who don't believe it needs to be done."

So I was faced with all this negative and thinking "I could lose all this security that I have, everything is working fine as it is, why do I need to change it." So there are all of these things that we think we need to worry about and be fearful of, and the reality of it is, while part of that was true.

As I thought more about the situation it turned out, I was concerned. I was fearful that I would lose my security, I would lose peoples interest even though community music rocks man, do you know how many talented people we have in this community? I would lose the nice process of having managers to kind of coach and consult me into higher levels of performance. I would lose friends, this is the one that really had me. I would lose friends over this change. I love my team mates. You think of all of these things that you are going to lose, so you don't make the decision to go through with what needs to be done. And that is what people do, they are fearing loss. So part of reorienting our lives is instead of focusing on the things that you're going to lose, start focusing on what your going to gain. hell of a change brother ;) Yea I might be sharing with the listeners all the music of the community for the short term. But in the long term, those community members are getting known, there will be more freedom later as more music is added to our library. I might lose that coaching and those friends who are going to develop me terms of that organizational structure but over on the other side I'm going to gain greater challanges. I am going to grow faster because I am going to have to be doing all the things And I am going to be doing all the things faster on my own. I will also be gaining a new skillset, more knowledge in doing something I Had left others to do instead.

So yes, focusing on those gains. See what happens in the fearful mind, it starts asking the question of "what if?" and it follows that phrase with a negatively stated response. "what if, this terrible thing happens?", "what if, *this* terrible thing happens?", "what if **this** terrible thing happens?" And we continue letting those generate and we stew within our gut these acids and these fears that literally trick our minds into thinking we can't change. But, once you realize that "loss pain" is what you are dealing with and start focusing more on the things that you will gain, then your getting over a hurdle.

The second thing that we fear so much is what i call "process pain". Process change says "changing anything is going to be hard". The process of change its self is hard. Let alone what we will lose doing something new is hard. When I sat down and realized that this change to the station was something that really needed to happen, I was terrified. I was like "this is going to be far too hard, I don't know the first thing about any of this. I don't have any compency in setting up servers or making it function automatically. I don't have time to sit there and be the automatic player that DJ otto is." "I am going to have to work on this 24-7 and kiss everything I had stable under me goodbye. I am going to have to start all over from ground up as if it was January 2014 again." My biggest process loss statement was "I am not going to get any support or help. Everything I thought I could depend on is going to walk out on me and I am going to be left to do this all by myself." The process is scary so we don't change. But part of the mastery of life is learning to see change as a game. Learning to see challenges as something that we can joyously enter to become the joyous master in the processes of our lives. To understand that yes they might be challenging but challenge is good. Challenge will develop us, challenge will help us reach our highest potential. Challenge will help us live that fully charged life. That process can be engaging and fun and exciting and new. It can bring variety and spice into our lives. We can look forward to the process of change. And when we switch our mind that way. We start to change more often.

The third thing that most people are actually fearing is what I call "outcome pain". They are scared of the "What if I lose all these things in changing" "What if I go through all this terrifying difficult work and then, the grass is not purple! The outcome is no better then I had at the very beginning. " I was terrified with that in these changes too. I thought "what if I begin this process and I do all these things, and I lose all the people that told me not to do it, and I work my butt off, but I don't make it. Nothing is better, nothing is different. I don't grow as fast. What if while I am doing all this, instead of fixing things, I destroy everything." What if - in the other moon tower, it isn't any better? That is what so many people do, they sit and they think, "what if it's not better and I just went through all that pain, for nothing." And if we are stuck there thinking that way, we never change. So part of the maturity and the master of life is realizing also that instead of focusing on the outcomes that are negative, we can start thinking and dreaming and visualizing and really giving our attention, our focus and powers of attraction into those things that would be powerful and good and satisfying, fulfilling, happy, joyous, on the other side of the fence. The things that would turn out to be wonderful and magnificent if we make the changes we need to instead of fearing them.

You start thinking about all of the things that will be positive from that change and when you do that, you start to master your mind and direct it better Because you know what. When you're obsessing about loss pain, process pain and outcome pain, guess what? The more you focus on those the more you obsess about those types of pains Your brain and your body go "no!Don't do that! I don't want to experience that because we built and have been gifted with this incredible contraption here that is unbelievably driven to avoid pain." When we realize that, then we have to stop suffering and stewing in our mind about the pain we might experience if we do the very things that would improve our lives. You and I all know what would improve our lives, why aren't we doing it? Because somewhere there we've probably associated a lot of loss, process or outcome pain to it. So here is my challenge for all of you. Sit down and ask yourself "what do I really want in my life? Why have I not been progressing faster?" When You start exploring that question why have I not been progressing faster, you might discover loss, process and pain. So just flip it now and focus on the gains, the joys, and the positive outcome And when you start to do that you'll find yourself being that joyous master, you'll find yourself getting further ahead in life, and you might just find that life can feel fully charged once again

The server, the changes. Yes the fears were there for all three, loss, process and outcome. Yes some of those fears came true and the pain is something my heart may hurt for a while because of. But I can tell you, in the end. I was and still am having fun with it. I am learning new things that I may have never learned before. I am putting things in a direction I only dreamed about. Yes, its taking time. More time then I thought it would. But it has made something old, shiny and new again as I experience different aspects of it I never even realized could be done. And with all that as it is said and done. I will be able to stand up and say "I am a better person for it. Even if this all falls apart and dies. I am a better person because of it. I would have never grown, never gotten the knowledge, the understanding, the answers, if i didn't do this." Chaos ia about change, not staying the same. Sometimes that change is going to hurt, sometimes that change is going to be an amazing blessing.

But that is why we walk the multiple pathes we do. What ever comes, good, bad or indifferent. Anything is possible, everything is possible, and yes... even sometimes.. nothing is possible. But we won't know unless we try, and we won't try until we flip it all in a different direction then how we are currently looking at it. There is a positive in every negative. You just need to flip it around.

I want todays teaching to give you a better understanding. That we can recieve all the good things that are in store for us. But we can also recieve the bad things keeping us from those good things, because of fear. So put your faith in yourself and turn around and look at everything from another direction. You are not meant to be tormented by fear or anything else. Nor should you be held back from your destiny, what ever that may be.

May the shadows of night keep and protect you always.

Thank you. All yours brother.

Order
from the perspective of the Order Belief, presented by Kazyn Phoenixfyre

My grandfather used to tell me all the time, when i was young and afraid or too timid to do something, or try something... he would tell me that i need not feel ashamed of being afraid, for a man isnt defined by whether he has fear in his heart -- but instead they are defined by what they do with it once its there. Given this man fought several wars on many continents of the planet. I was inclined to think he might know a thing or two about the subject *chuckles*

Fear in and of itself, is just a concept to us. A built in reaction, one chemical firing another and our brain interpreting it, sending us a signal in our heads to remind us of danger. But to many, it is much more than that. throughout the ages we have turned fear into this complex machine, this multi faceted part of our psychology. We find ways to fear everything from pain to change, to love, and believe it or not... even success!

What you are afraid of, and what you do when you are afraid in fact are very good identifiers of who you are inside. A part of you that you may well not even know. A leader is afraid of letting down others, a tyrant is afraid of losing control, an empath is afraid of losing their friends of causing them pain, there are in fact so many types of fears that entire encyclopedias have been built upon the subject. And to soe of us, we live by it. Many play their life safely. Fear is their barrier, their way of knowing and understanding in their minds what they can and can not do. Not because they CANT do it... but because they are afraid to know for sure because they are afraid of the POTENTIAL for failure, they choose instead - to never try.

And that is the worst fear of all - the fear of potential. The kind oft. spoken by amber just moments ago and the fear that is often at the root of MANY decisions we make day to day you see, humans in general - have always been afraid of the unknown. What we dont know, what we cant understand. If we cant figure it out then we fear it - we see it as a danger to us.

This is in fact the very reason so many conflicts have started over the years between order and chaos. Because inherently those who follow one often have trouble understanding the other. A trend im sure youll all recognize from just about every era of human history

But it is so much deeper than that. We cage ourselves in from trying just because we are afraid of potential. What amber would call the "Fear of outcome". We dont know if we can, so we dont Some - those who truly understand, who want to do better, who want to learn - they may do it anyway. They may shed that prison of doubt and jump into the unknown but so many others sit back. We watch the lives we think we want from across the way, and we take no steps to grab what we want or strive to be better -- and all because were afraid of the possibility of failure.

But let me tell you all a secret here this day, Fear is in fact a construct of our own. Whether it is telling someone you care about how you feel, or striving for that better job, or improving youself in any number of ways - or just trying something different - The only one who can tell you what you can and can not do is you. The strength of your human character, and its limits... all begin and end with that one decision - Yes, or no? Do you choose to accept fear, stay safe, not make waves. Or do you choose to determine your own path.

For simply BEING afraid is not a bad thing, and in fact many people who accomplish the most in this world did so as they too were constantly afraid. They were afraid at any point their dream could end, their road they paved may come to a stop - but they kept walking. And when the road ran out - they made a trail of their own. Staying safe and bowing to fear is a path to mundane at best, and imprisonment at worse. To truly learn of who you are and your potential you have to *act* in the face of those fears. you have to *try* because if you dont then not only will you never know if you could or could not - but youll always doubt yourself for never finding out.

Whatever it is you find yourself fearful of. Whatever it is that causes you to stop in you tracks and be indecisive i challenge you all today - remember in yourselves that fear does not make you less of a person, but letting it define who you are will always weaken you. Instead when you feel fear, own it, and try anyway. And if you fail once then know that is okay. The greatest triumphs are built not upon a single success, but the act of trying is what strengthens and defines us. If you learn to do this then you can live truly unafraid.

Thank you all, and good day

Balance
from the perspective of the Balance Belief, presented by Winfield

Boo! Did I scare you? Hail everyone! I'm Winfield, the Governor of PaxLair. It's great to be here! Thanks for having me! I greet Amber Raine and Kazyn Phoenixfyre for their perspectives based on Chaos and Order. I will speak from the perspective of Balance.

I like to start my conversation with a little humor. Our topic today is about Being Scared.

I was sailing out in Spindrift Bay the other day. Of course, I was doing a little fishing. I caught about a dozen fish and knew I'd be eating plenty well by the evening. Suddenly a huge sea serpent came out of the water and nearly crushed my ship. It was attacking! My crew brought out oars and raised the sails to get away quickly. We were scared! The fish were flopping all around in my ship as we were tossed around by the waves. I yelled out to one of my crew and asked, "Why is that serpent attacking us?" My crewman shouted back with fear in his eyes, "Because it's hungry for Fish and Ships!!" adapted from: http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/jkscary.html

*smiles*

So let's look at being scared from a Balanced perspective. Remember what Balance is: "a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions." Be steady, stay on course, see both sides of the fence, be on the fence, assess pros versus cons. Being Balanced is simply an approach to situations and life. In our discussion today, we Balance between Chaos and Order.

First, what are the effects of being scared? Is being scared good or bad? Should you scare people? I've learned that being scared, particularly at an early age, can be healthy. That's because it can prepare children to react to actual threats by simulating threats early in life. Of course, be balanced about this and don't go overboard as that could be bad, unless it's your younger brother that gets all of the attention from mom and dad -- just kidding.

Second, when a person is scared of something, they can choose to fight or flee. The brain is wired to help the person react to something that threatens them or others they care about. Heart rate and blood pressure go up. The body tenses, goes faster, and you become more alert. Other things can happen too, even unexpected things, so I hope you've recently used the privy.

As you are threatened and you become afraid, your body and mind have a fairly balanced response. It orderly does things to get you moving or more alert. It helps you think quickly to even respond chaotically, or unpredictably, to help you fight or flee. So I suggest your physiological reaction to fear is a balanced reaction between Order and Chaos.

Alright, enough classroom lecture about being scared. I think you get it.

*pauses and looks around*

BOO! Scared yet?

Alright, let's have a little audience participation now. Everyone stand up and do the Zombie dance! That will be pretty scary. If you don't have the Zombie dance, ask someone for it. Stand up now and dance the Zombie!

Oh, better yet, everyone lose your heads! Now I am VERY Scared! But I expected it! Did you?

Fear does not need to be caused by something imminent to your survival. You can be afraid by something that is lurking, like higher debt or the increasing cost of worms - OH MY!

A balanced approach to dealing with fear and not become scared or even paranoid is be prepared to be scared! And remember, being scared is not a bad thing if not taken to extremes ... you might finally be forced to make life changes or choices that could improve your life.

Look for opportunities to scare yourself because you know you may think faster, fight to succeed, and all that. Like, take on a more challenging job -- that can be scary, yet if you succeed, you are probably better off. Fish for the bigger fish in a bigger ship with bigger sea serpents around -- massively scary and perilous to succeed. Go into that dungeon and fight bigger monsters or over to Grunvald Shardfall and try to sneak out some ore. Scary! Have a plan, expect the unexpected, and use fear to help you survive. If fear overwhelms you, react by getting help from others so you can still survive.

Keep the Balance.

Thank you all once again for letting me speak here today. Dragonspeed and may the Fish be with you!